Ok. Now I'm obsessed.

See post below and I swear this will be the last on this topic unless of course I get another good one. Phillip suck tittie or possibly Phillip sucked it (if you sound it out). How 'bout that? And what about the children? We need to protect the children! Who is protecting the fucking children? Certainly not the police in Antioch, CA.

C'mon, Browner Asshole?

I know this topic is not that interesting and I already posted about it before, but I'm fascinated. I got this captcha while signing up for twatter.  I don't make this junk up.

Zombies from Hell-ifax

This is some serious '28 Days Later' shit. It's the Halifax Zombie Walk 2009. I only know about it because that's is my friend Tim stopping and posing for what he thought was a still shot. Zombies'll do that ya know. They scariously look real. Watch the vid.

(Tim really should deliver funny for a living, fyi.)

High Ho

Heavens to Betsy! Apparently there has been quite a bit of tomfuckery going on at the High Ho (High Line Park Standard Hotel). I have yet to witness such *eh hem* appalling lascivisous acts, and thank God it seems they have gotten it under control (this could be two words). That said, I once saw a homeless guy take a shit between two cars outside the Ho Jo. 

For current affairs, read Metro. It's 'the paper of choice' as far as I'm concerned. The article.

(Good Lordy. This turned up in the Google image search for Howard Johnson. Be careful. Looks like a fun party.)

C D B! (by William Steig)

Few remember this book. I just ordered it online and cannot wait for it's arrival. It's the first book I can remember being enthralled with as a seven year old, and it definitely had a huge influence on my love for puns and clever word play; silly too. Actually, I think it had a huge impact on how I think. Simply and overall. I remember sitting on a burlap sack on the grammar school library floor and just studying it in awe. I think we may have watched a filmstrip first, but I cannot fully remember. I never forgot that book title though. Throughout the years, I've occasionally said it to myself. In the shower. While driving. Walking the dog. Whenever. C D B! It just always gives me a silent chuckle.

(Huh. I find it odd I didn't use any puns, word play or clever techniques that I love so much in this post. Hmmm. I C U P N D FL4. There. Much better.)

not a haiku, just a plain ol* po eem**

Japanese style dressing

You mean Kimono?

Yoko. OH NO!

Orange in color and oh so saucy

Gingerly dressing my bed of greens

Succulent and taste-full of grace

Japanese RESTAURANT style SALAD dressing

Yumm mee

(Watching Memoirs of a Geisha and ordering Hapanese food must have inspired me. Does anyone know where I can buy this stuff?)

*OL, an abbreviation in Japan for Office Lady, a female worker in Japan who performs generally pink collar tasks such as serving tea.

**A girl I once knew said it that way. (poem = po eem)

Scaredy Cat

You know the sound it makes after you cap a slightly compressed water bottle and it automatically expands? A slight click if you will?

It scares the bejesus out of my dog. Sad and bizarre.

(Elvis after a bath.)

Really?

I almost hate myself for saying this, but I really liked Lindsay Lohan on the Season 6 Project Runway Season Premiere. She had the poise of a balloon on the nose of a seal, she was PUNKtual and articuLATE, and she even appeared to be a bit coquettish. No. Not coke-head-ish. Look it up! What more is there to say? Watch it! (Also, some of the contestants gave me happy sads. I'm such a sap.)

Fish Tacos

Thank God that's what I had for lunch the other day because had I choked down the chicken, I may have quickly became sickened. Immediately after gobbling up my Chavella's tacos, I took a little walk and unwittingly stumbled upon these guys - or gals most likely. These are not the kittenishly cute hens housed in pretty little city coops like my friend Hillary has been pining for. No, they're not. I like those. I'm all for them. This was a pretty shitty poultry prison smack dab in the heart of Brooklyn. Big. Ugly. Caged. Stinky. Sad. Hidden behind a big warehouse door that just happened to be open as I walked by, I felt compelled to stop and take some snaps. The owners smiled at me delightfully like it was some sort of petting zoo. (There was a goat!) However, it was gross. Nasty in fact! And it really made get to thinking. I have a half eaten rotisserie chicken sitting in my fridge as I type this, and it sort of makes me feel bad. Shall I open the window and set what's left free? Will that make me feel any better? Actually, yeah, I think chucking that sucker out my fucking front window would actually make me feel really good; hitting some a-hole on it's way down...even better. Done! Wow. Vegetarianism. Who knew it could make you feel that good? Plus, I'm never really that enticed by the leftovers of a rotisserie chicken, even if there is more than half left. It's just not the same. Waste not, want not. Wait. I think waste and want actually applies here. My bad.

(This pic was taken with my camera phone. Not bad, right, but I really need to start using my real camera.)

Toasted Cheese with Potato Chips

Wow. For those of you that watched True Blood the other night, you may have been introduced for the very first time to a toasted American cheese with potato chips on white bread sandwich. I've never met one before, but I can already tell the particular saying I've never met one I didn't like will certainly apply. Now, I needs to goes out and gits me dem dere greedients and makes me a true feast, Bon Temps style. And thank you Hoyt's mom - you're a true gor-mette!

Peggy needs punishment!

Mad Men is starting on August 16th (the day Squeaky Fromme will be released from prison, fyi), and let me just say I'm about to piss myself in anticipation to start watching again. I'm a huge fan, but I'll admit Season 2 was a bit weaker than Season 1, so I'm hoping for a return of the magic that made the first season so esoteric. Either way, Peggy made me equally angry in both seasons. (Did she you?) I want nothing more than to beat her senseless with a bag a Wonder white bread. (Here, take that account, Peggy!) I'm not a violent person, per se. I'm really not, and I would never hit a lady. However, I just picture myself pummeling her with that bag of bread. Albeit spongy soft bread, so the damage would be minimal I'm sure. The mere act of swinging that bag of bread in Peggy's direction and making contact over and over and over again seems, without a doubt, utterly cathartic. That's how allergic to Peggy I am. Lady libbers don't get yer panties in a bunch (or of course manties if you're a fella)! If bitch wants to hang with the boys and act like one of the guys, she better be ready to take on a can of good whoop ass now and again. You know. Guy stuff. I think we're all in a agreement here, right? Fucken Peggy.